| Partner
has trouble coming inside vagina |
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My boyfriend and I have been sexualy
active for 2 years. Before I started birth control we used the pull
out method. Not smart, I know. Anyway, to be extra safe, my
boyfriend would not even get close in me. After I got off, he would
pull out, and masturbate himself to finish while i stimulated him in
other ways. But now that I have started birth control and have been
on it for over a month and a half, we no longer want to do that.
Unfortunately, he has had trouble
being able to come in me. He'll get close, but just cant seem to
finish. I've also tried using oral to help, but he still needs to
masturbate to come. It's like he's gotten so used to the one way of
coming, and now can not seem to get off any other way. We've been
looking forward to the intimacy of him being able to come in me. Is
there anything I can do to help him? Is this going to be a permanent
problem? What can we do to rectify this? Please help.
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| Answer |
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The first step towards
resolution of this problem is taking it lightly - both of
you. The more consciously you try for it (he coming inside
you) the worse the problem gets. DO NOT "LOOK FORWARD TO the
intimacy of him being able to come in you", for, it may
create anxiety in both. Anxiety is an enemy of sexual
performance.
This is a simple problem. He is so used to withholding just
before the peak and like you guessed, he is now doing that
somewhat involuntarily. Think of a photography session. As
the camera's flash bulb fires, we instantly close our eyes,
especially if we consciously try to keep our eyes open while
the flash fires. Somewhat similarly, your friend's focus on
ejaculating inside you leads to his becoming self conscious
as he gets close ... so he involuntarily holds ejaculation,
instead of letting himself go. This is one possible cause.
The other possibilities are: 1) If his thoughts also center
around pleasing you, then he may be automatically trying to
hold ejaculation, so that he would not come before you do.
2) Some men get an ejaculatory sensation shortly after
penetration. At that point they hold, since they 'know' it
is too early. Once held, it takes some time for these guys
to reach the peak of sexual excitement needed for orgasm.
3) There may still be some deep-rooted fears about pregnancy
or other issues.
He should benefit from staying relaxed and focus on the
pleasure than ejaculation. Encourage him to be 'selfish' for
a while during intercourse - say, till he is able to
ejaculate inside you. Let him not think of pleasing you.
Even if he comes too soon, let him do so. Once comfortable
he will soon learn to gain control over ejaculation.
If this does not resolve the problem, seek professional
help.
I must assure you that this problem is not going to stay for
ever.
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| All the best |
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Poosha Darbha |
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