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Partner has trouble coming inside vagina
 

My boyfriend and I have been sexualy active for 2 years. Before I started birth control we used the pull out method. Not smart, I know. Anyway, to be extra safe, my boyfriend would not even get close in me. After I got off, he would pull out, and masturbate himself to finish while i stimulated him in other ways. But now that I have started birth control and have been on it for over a month and a half, we no longer want to do that.

Unfortunately, he has had trouble being able to come in me. He'll get close, but just cant seem to finish. I've also tried using oral to help, but he still needs to masturbate to come. It's like he's gotten so used to the one way of coming, and now can not seem to get off any other way. We've been looking forward to the intimacy of him being able to come in me. Is there anything I can do to help him? Is this going to be a permanent problem? What can we do to rectify this? Please help.

 
Answer
 
The first step towards resolution of this problem is taking it lightly - both of you. The more consciously you try for it (he coming inside you) the worse the problem gets. DO NOT "LOOK FORWARD TO the intimacy of him being able to come in you", for, it may create anxiety in both. Anxiety is an enemy of sexual performance.

This is a simple problem. He is so used to withholding just before the peak and like you guessed, he is now doing that somewhat involuntarily. Think of a photography session. As the camera's flash bulb fires, we instantly close our eyes, especially if we consciously try to keep our eyes open while the flash fires. Somewhat similarly, your friend's focus on ejaculating inside you leads to his becoming self conscious as he gets close ... so he involuntarily holds ejaculation, instead of letting himself go. This is one possible cause.

The other possibilities are: 1) If his thoughts also center around pleasing you, then he may be automatically trying to hold ejaculation, so that he would not come before you do.

2) Some men get an ejaculatory sensation shortly after penetration. At that point they hold, since they 'know' it is too early. Once held, it takes some time for these guys to reach the peak of sexual excitement needed for orgasm.

3) There may still be some deep-rooted fears about pregnancy or other issues.

He should benefit from staying relaxed and focus on the pleasure than ejaculation. Encourage him to be 'selfish' for a while during intercourse - say, till he is able to ejaculate inside you. Let him not think of pleasing you. Even if he comes too soon, let him do so. Once comfortable he will soon learn to gain control over ejaculation.

If this does not resolve the problem, seek professional help.

I must assure you that this problem is not going to stay for ever.

 
 
All the best
Poosha Darbha
 



 


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