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Key words:
sexual inexperience, slow movements in sex, fear of ejaculation, bad lover, woman on top, vibrating condom

Is he a bad lover?
 
I am newly married and have only been having sex for about seven months. I love my husband, but hate our sex life- it just doesn't feel like anything when he's inside me. We were both virgins when we got married and I feel like the problem is how he moves when he's inside me- he moves slowly and stops often in fear that he's going to come too quickly. The only way I'm able to have orgasm is with a vibrator and stimulation of the clitoris. My friends say that he should have improved in 7 months and that he must be a bad lover- is that true or he just inexperienced? And how do I get myself more in the mood to "practice" when it doesn't feel good?
- F, 22, US
 
Answer
 
The best thing would be talk openly with your hubby, in a non-threatening and non-demanding situation. Tell him what makes you come during intercourse. If you are not much bothered at this point of time by his coming too soon, assure him so. Gradually you both can tune yourselves to achieve orgasms at a speed that is comfortable to both of you.
 
Meanwhile you might try woman-on-top position where you will have better control on thrusting (speed, depth, angle etc) and he will have better control on ejaculation. While you are on top, he can directly stimulate your clitoris, or just place his finger in such a way that your clitoris hits the finger as you rock back and forth or up and down. These measures will enhance your sexual excitement and takes you close to orgasm faster.
 
Your husband might also try a vibrating condom. During intercourse you or he can press the vibrator on when you need greater stimulation.
 
Have you tried ribbed condoms?
 
I hope this info will help you overcome the problem. You may back if you need further help.
 
 
All the best
Poosha Darbha
 
 

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